In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my vag is so smooth its legendary
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
