no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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