Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
