I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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