I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
