shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
