Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
