i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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