at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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