If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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