I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
