just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
