The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
