I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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