He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
