I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
