this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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