win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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