4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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