she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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