I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
