wrigley field is MILF paradise
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
