Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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