I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
