I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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