i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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