lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
