someone threw a dead crab at me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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