i would punch a child for taco bell
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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