apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're a waste of cheezeits
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
