I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
