she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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