I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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