So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
