Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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