well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
