Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
