I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
