I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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