I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
