I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
