bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
