Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
