it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
