Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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