Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
