Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
