Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
