He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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