feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
