How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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