I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
