Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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