I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
