omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
