Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
